20 Signs You’re Too Old To Party At Your College On Weekends

20 Signs You’re Too Old To Party At Your College On Weekends

Like what you see? Get it straight to your inbox weekly! Sign up now.

One of the best parts of going back to your alma mater after you’ve graduated is going back to party with people still in college. You’re fresh out of school, you’re a cool older alum, and you have a job so those $8 pitchers of Miller Lite you once considered too expensive can be showered on your students like manna from heaven.

But there comes a time where you shouldn’t be doing this anymore, and sadly that time comes for everyone. Here are 20 signs that you really shouldn’t be going to your alma mater to party anymore.

1) You have to nap before you go out at night
2) You plan your escapades to end so you can get to bed on time
3) Those anti-hangover “cures” start sounding like good ideas, and you have the extra cash to spend on them
4) You think about what shoes to bring so your feet don’t get tired
5) You have to pass up a turn in beer pong to call to say goodnight to your kids
6) Your stomach lurches at the thought of drinking any liquor from a plastic bottle
7) When someone asks you if want another round, your response begins with the words “well, my doctor says…”
8) Current students stop assuming you’re another student and start assuming you’re a townie
9) The bartender just laughs at you when you ask for a cocktail
10) Drinking Franzia out of a solo cup is the “fancy party”
11) You try to buy someone a drink, and they ask if your kid liked the campus visit
12) You’re introduced at your frat as somebody’s great-grandfather
13) The bartender thinks your ID is fake because of the age on it
14) You wish someone would turn the music down because you can’t have any conversations
15) You have to stay in a hotel because you don’t know anyone on campus to stay with
16) Someone refers to you as “that guy with the real job”
17) You can’t bring yourself to buy the cheapest beer even though it’s totally only 12 bucks for a thirty rack, bro
18) You’re not impressed by a drink’s alcohol content
19) You stifle a laugh when you hear about gossip in a student organization
20) And finally… when you leave on Sunday morning to go back to the real world, you don’t feel that sense of loss that you felt before when you drove away from a place that you held so dear for so long.