Commitment is terrifying. We all know this as guys. We want to hit it and quit it- find as many girls as possible and sleep with them and move on to the next one. We’re wild, we’re free, we can’t be chained down by just one lady all our lives, am I right?
Maybe not- in fact, I’ve talked to many guys who actually do want to commit to someone they love and respect. Even worse, I’ve talked to guys who found their special someone- only to ruin it in a pattern of self-destructive behavior because of their incredible fear of commitment.
You don’t have to live alone, bouncing from girl to girl, terrified of ever being locked down. Here are some ways that you can begin to address your fear of commitment and start opening yourself up to finding someone!
1) Commitment-Phobia? It’s Been Taught To You
“Ol’ ball and chain”. “Sow your wild oats.” “Tie the knot.”
Sound familiar? They’re all terms related to marriage (or the lack of it). And they’re all terms that make marriage sound like a terrible thing. They frame the idea of marriage as one of predator and prey: men are constantly trying to have sex and bounce, while girls are always trying to catch them and chain them down with a baby, or however that works.
The thing is though- well, that this is a really outdated idea of dating. Most of the guys I know, including myself, actually do want to settle down with just one person. We’re just taught that it’s weird to think so, and as a result there’s this constant flux between what we actually feel and what we’re taught to feel, leading to that jittery commitment-phobia.
From now on, know that you don’t have to subscribe to that notion! Know that your commitment-phobia is likely less due to your innate biological need to bone everything in sight and more to society telling you that it is. Once you realize that, you can look through the veil and see commitment in a new and better light.
2) Face Your Commitment Fears
What is it about commitment that really scares you? Chances are it’s a nebulous fear that doesn’t have a whole lot behind it. If the uncertainty of being committed to someone is what’s holding you back, is that really that much scarier than the uncertainty of being alone forever?
That said, you’re always going to have doubts. Commitment is a huge leap of faith and acceptance of responsibility, and you’re never going to be free of them. You have to accept that there’s always going to be a modicum of doubt going in- if you don’t, you’ll never get hitched.
3) Trust Your Instincts (Your Real Instincts)
Turns out that our instincts are there for a reason. Are you afraid of committing to someone but your every fiber of being screams that they’re the one for you? Maybe you should listen to your heart. That fear of commitment was probably drilled into you by society, but the love you feel for someone else is real and comes from deep inside you.
4) Don’t Rush
That being said – don’t rush into things. Trust that gut! Rushing into things can often be a huge source of discomfort and paranoia when commitment is involved. Before you get married or even engaged, make sure you’ve taken the time to verify that the person you’re with is the right person for you. Being rushed into something you’re uncertain about is always a tough decision, and often waiting just that little bit longer can alleviate those fears your have and help you on the path to feeling good about your commitment.
Remember, marriage isn’t the end, a cage to be ensnared in. It’s a beginning, a new and exciting adventure that you should be happy to embark upon with someone you love, respect, and trust!